THINK POSITIVE IT'S NEGATIVE

*NOTE: FOR THOSE WHO READ THE FIRST POST , HELL ! YOU MUST READ THIS ONE :D

paunang sulat: sorry cheesy at mahaba to !

This past 1 or 2 weeks gawd it was the most terrible week for me
i mean is , about the "something within my tummy" and now I'm happy to tell that
ehem! for those who are concern lng nmn .. there is no true about the pregnant thing
of a monster HECK ! (how come i imagine that ?!) but the true concern of mine is what is was happened in my body,now imagine how happy i am now :D


but this thing really damage me i am only 17 and my whole family
got alarm about it . friday, april 17 2009 i finally seek an OBgyne
i'm with my cousin we just went to a small clinic just to think of it it's
for pregnant,children infants and the like .. so imagine how i am shame
when the girl ask me "are you pregnant" and the whole crowd
is with me, heck ! WTF !

after a long wait a 3 hours to be exact , the doctor finally called me
then i tell it all, that there is something beating in my tummy
that i am delayed and all that ..she ask me if i drink and i said YES YES YES ! LOL
DR: do you smoke?
me: and i inhale.pause.exhale PUFF ? is that acceptable answer ?
DR:do you have a boy friend ?
me: aw no i don't why do you prefer one ? *BIG SMILE here*
DR: did you have any contacts
me: uhmmm what ? inhale.pause.exhale. hell no ! ( well that's what i want her to be answer but i want to be polite hoho !)
uhmm wala pa po ..
DR: do you wan't to take a P.T.
me: uhmm sure
(what i really felt is taking that p.t. is totaly a slap of me ! i really want to tell to myself that "JAN ! WHAT THE FUCK ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT DAMN TEST ?! HELL ! THERE'S NO TRUE OF PREGGY THING YOU KNOW THAT TO YOURSELF, WHY ARE TAKING THAT ?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU! JAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?! ")

after she gave me the receipt that she wan't me to take a P.T.
i went to the consultation desk (i think), and there is a woman she's
prolly a part of that clinic . she was shock when she read the notice the
"recuired P.T. thing " especially when her eyes rolly spotted that i am only 17 and ask me
woman : may asawa kana neng ?
me: (not in duh mood to answer) huh wala pa po

heck ! really she's really in shock when she read it . LOL !

"my cousin said : bakit ka pumayag mag PT ? kung alam mung
wala ka ginawa bat ka mag PT ?
( well , at that time i want to give her an around of applause ! she's
prolly right )
me: para matapos na, pano kung may monster nga dito ? bigla nlng sumulpot
cousin: maging realistic ka kase pano ka mabubuntis kung walang ngyare ?
yung mga nababasa mo eh hindi yun totoo . imposible yun .
me: eh kase si *ex* lage sinasabe may problema ako
he always throw this lines ..
ex: sabihin mo kung may problema ka huh ?
alam ko may problema ka .
wag ka mahiya mag sabi ng prob lema
ano ba problema mo ?

so ang naisip ko may problema nga ba tlga ako ? tapos monday nung nakita ko sarili ko ang taba taba ko and sobra ako na depressed .. at nung wednesday naisip ko bakit wala pa ko , tapos biglang tumibok yung tyan ko ..(which is normal pala
because there is a vein connecting to your heart ) so feeling ko may monster sa tyan ko ..
cousin: wag ka mag pa apekto sa mga tao na nag bibigay sayo ng neagtive
i compose mo yung sarili mo, walang ibang tutulong sayo kung hindi ikaw mismo .
me: aw gawd i wan't to give her a huge hug **

02:15 the result would only be two choices positive or negative
we waited 25 min to get the result and damn ! it feels like
i am in the deathrow . but the only thing goes to my mind is i believe in god and i do believe in myself . i know the truth but i am the kind of person who seek
for evidence for more truths and facts .

My Dr. came out and she has in smile in her face but whe she called me
her face became plain . hell ! i come forward and she invites me in, at her
clinic but heck ! i can't wait so i gaze for some info. when i saw NEGATIVE !
it gave me a smile, and the doctor pinindot (LOL!) my tummy and she surely gave's a negative
and adviceses me not to watch any horror movie especially a FANTASY SERYE
hahaha ! it realy roflmao tlga ! i spend 500 pesos for that idiotic thing
grr ..

And on our way home there is a mother and a baby
bonding , so i said to my cousin what if ? ..
she only give this responce : ISIP BATA KA PA NGA TALAGA
pag dating mo ng 20's pag tatawanan mo yang nagawa mo *put evil laugh here*
me: ndi ko na kailangan dumating ng 20, sobra na ang tawa ko :))

LESSON LEARNED :

• compose myself !

(don't be too affect on what people say
especially when it is negative .)

• having a baby is only made by human contacts !

(gawd ! what am i, a kid ? this is really funneh ! where do on earth
i think that i might be preggy w/o anny make love , damn ! unfair !
wahaha ! i do really think out of the box. i do believe in extraordinary things
so maybe it's time to minimize that attitude )

• there is no true of those myth you read on iNET :D be more optimistic STICK TO REALITY (dawg ! wut happen i know myself as realistic and futuristic and all but this time i loosen up .. ;{ )

• Don't watch any fantaserye roflmao !

(heck ! it's affected me , and it's giving a drama (huh what?)

i also told to my DR. about my fast heartbeat, aw gawd am i in love ? lol
but at that time i compose myself , i am not nervous she ask me
if i am an athlete lol ! really i want to do a cartwheel because damn
i don't do any sport hahaha ! and when she check it yes !
she surely say that i had a fast heartbeat then the
Dr. advices me to have an internal medication regarding to my
heart, but seriously hoping for another very positive, safe and happy findings
regarding to my heart ^*

for all those concerned about me , who feel for me
what the ! thank you so much

xox JAN ^*

wutt ? a monster ?

WARNING : IT'S FREAKING LONG MUSHY AND PATHETIC
DON'T BLAME ME FOR NOT WARNING YOU :))

gawd ! there is something sprouting at my stomach and it's freaking me ! seriously !
there is a heartbeat within it! i do a lot of research. no, not a lot i just Google it
and it said that it's normal and blah blah aorta and NOSE FUCKING BLEEDING and like
after a few split second i breathed well inhale. pause. exhale.

but even though i do a research i want to see a doctor actually
here's my problem : ehem !
i am a one month delayed well eventually it's a normal
thing to me and i think i should be more thankful that i am delayed and whatsoevur

my tummy get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger

whollla ! moommaa ! before you think of that !

FIRST ! i am single AND IT'S BY choice *wink*
second ! i am proud and still a virgin yes i am, you read it
right dude , but what the hell what this is happening to me

there is pumping into my tummy, my heart beat is terribly fast
how come i get pregnant without a bf ? without sex ?
demmet ! i don't even got a first kiss !
i know how to preserve myself , i want every single second of my life is
worth living for ! demmet ! what's wrong with me is it me or my body ?

what is this a monster ? or am i virgin mary LOLz it doesn't
fit me anyways ..

it's been a week since i suffering this kind of sick ?
and seriously it's really killing me i need a professional help
a doctor to be exact maybe next week, i said it to my mom
and the conversation goes like this

mom: "nahihilo kba o nasusuka ?
me: hindi po
mom: malaki ba tyan mo ?
me : ma mataba tlga ako, malaki tlga tyan ko
mom: ilang mnth kna delayed ?
me " ma hindi ako buntis ..
mom: hindi ko sinabing buntis ka
me: eh eun din yung pino point mo eh ..


gawd ! this is realy sick ! i don't wan't this i wan't to go out
but the last night i listened to a radio it's papa jack lol !
it's really funny heck ! it makes me rolflmao tlga !
and i realized am i just bored here ? am i just depressed
so because i am thinking of that shits .. oh gawd i pray for that ..

hot sunny wednesday

while i am surfing the net
my lola talk to me , smilingly and she said like this

lola:kumaen kna
me: busog pa po
lola: ano ba nararamdaman mo ? sabe ng ate mo may gumagalaw daw dyan sa tyan mo ?
buntis kaba ?
me : huh ? ina ?! hindi pano ako mabubuntis wala ako bf ?
lola: ikaw wag ka matakot saken magsabi ka kung ano ngyayare sayo ?

************cut the story *********

it's very sad that my family think of that too
well i know they had trust in me, but it's really really
freaking me, i am too young to have a baby jan, in my wildest dream
I'd never dreamed to had an unwanted pregnancy,

but when i think what if , what if it's true imaa momma monstur
hohohohho ! *insert evil laugh here*
maybe it should be cute as him
YIPEEEE !

JANN *wink